Grandma Betty on my deck about an hour before I drove her across town and realized, as we slowly passed a parked cop, that she had an open Bud Light can in her hand

“I remember how we’d all sit on the hay rack and throw firecrackers, until [General, retired K9 she adopted via friends on the Wichita police force] caught on fire.”
“Her boy just got out of the joint. Shame he got sent up at 17.”
“I was like [to husband who accused her of having affair with gay priest in small-town Iowa], give me some fuckin’ credit. I would never have an affair with a man who wears tennis shoes.”
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